5.11.2007

what?!?!?

9th may 2007

something so shocking happened...
something i never expected to hear at all...
it came, reached my ears,
i thought at first i heard wrongly,
but i didn't...she really said what she said...

@ SGH ward 57 room 24 bed 6

aunty at bed 5, was ran over by a drunk driver
about a week ago while waiting at the bus stop.
she suffered fractures to her left leg and broke a few ribs.

what she said to me (in mandarin) -
"i'm very envious of you,
you don't seem to be in pain
nor have any..."

if i can recall, this is probably the 1st hospital stay ever
that another patient has made such a comment.
this is also the 1st hospital stay that i really didn't
suffer as much as before, coz it was just a mild recurrence...
still...to hear what she said to me simply
just knocked me off balance in that moment...
i never ever thought i have anything to be envious about at all...
especially not on hospital grounds...
i guess she just didn't see and don't know about the times i suffered,
perhaps even much worse than her...
maybe if she had known what i had gone thru thus far,
she would think twice about her statement.
gim would know, right gim? ha!
staying up all night puking non stop for several days,
one operation after another,
one admission after another,
it just doesn't seem to stop,
so, seriously,
what's there to be envious about?
and i'm not yet even a quarter of a century old...
my multiple conditions have strained relationships,
interrupted work, interrupted life in general i think...
so, really,
what's there to be envious about?

*think think think*

nothing's coming up...

i guess ultimately pain can't be quantified;
it's an individual experience.
it can depend on so many factors -
your past experiences, your threshold,
your beliefs, your expectations,
your reaction, your mental well-being,
your age, your race, your gender etc etc etc...
my pain scale probably differs from yours,
there's no plane level for comparison at all.
no one else can go thru pain for us,
only we ourselves can.
so just ride it thru and hope for the best i guess...
that it'll fade away soon enough before
it eats us away till more than we can bear.

pain...it's actually a good thing afterall,
it's a signal, an SOS, telling us there's something wrong,
so we can hopefully react to it in time.
pain...it has its benefits too,
despite how much anxiety it invokes.
pain...u just gotta hang in there sometimes,
coz when it passes, u'll know...
it'll be sunshine after the rain.

Posted by jing at 5/11/2007 12:42:00 PM

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