4.25.2007

not right...?

there's this song called 《全新的你》
i learnt it while i was in cf i think...
i remember singing it together with the others
over and over again but never realized one thing...

came across this song again recently,
and when i carefully read the lyrics this time,
i noticed something wrong with it;
one particular line didn't sit quite well with me...
this line: "耶稣能够改变你的曾经..."

somehow when i read this line
i was kindda filled with ambiguous resentment.
1st of all, i didn't think that it was possible.
my dictionary defines 《曾经》
as "表示以前有过某种行为或情况."
how is it possible that my past be changed?
whatever has been done will not be undone at will.
whatever has been said will not be unheard at will.
though i know that God is omnipotent,
in my experience, limited by time and space,
i know i can't go back to the past and change it as i please.
and i highly doubt God will do that too,
despite that He probably can.
so why say He can when He probably won't?
almost like giving one false hope,
and what could be more cruel than that?
and this is the very 2nd reason for my feelings of resentment.
we all, at some point, wished that we hadn't done certain things,
so that, maybe, things would be different, better perhaps.
we clearly know our past can't be changed,
why so boldly preach about it then?

Friedrich Nietzsche wrote,
'Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man.'
how much worse is false hope then?
yet we go on and on singing this phrase,
tying it together with salvation and theology,
when all it promises is emptiness.
i cannot recall anywhere in the bible stating
that God can/will change our past.
neither have i heard anyone share about
any part of their past being changed due to conversion.
who are we to give out such heinous promises?
how could we take things so lightly?
how could i take things so lightly before?

i must practise caution, especially in times like these...
if i let my guard down, i will be taken in,
absorbed into the realm of creating my own world,
forming my own interpretations,
driven by my own desires and experiences.
yet i do not seem to know how...
or lack the spirit to pursue the truth.

why 'ambiguous resentment'?
i guess...
some part of me wish that it is true...
that it can be done...
but it ain't...so...

maybe the lyricist just wanted to convey that
in Christ, all can be made new.
hence, changing the old us (past) into someone new.
but still...we need to practise caution...
lest we deceive ourselves in the end.

François de la Rochefoucauld wrote,
'We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others
that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.'

still...the past is haunting...

Posted by jing at 4/25/2007 02:27:00 PM

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